still living.

i wonder if more people i know still blog. probably, i just wouldn't know i sort of 'fell out of the loop' once i started school and not having time for anything really. i think about things sometimes. like what it would be like if i still tried to be 'different/cool/trendsetting/whatever.' i see all my friends still doing what i was doing two years ago and it makes me think like, where did i go off in a different direction that now i feel like i don't even belong hanging out with them. like i'm not remotely cool enough. i don't still dress different, i don't still constantly try to find new cool music to listen to. i don't sit around drinking wine, mix drinks, beer. instead i find myself working 8 to 10 hrs five days out of the week and finding it hard to get out of bed on the other two days i'm not working. i've spent my free time this summer next to a guy that has been more than amazing and has turned out to exceed any expectations i've ever had about where this would go. he makes me realize that i have so much to live up to and i shouldn't let anything get me down because even though i'm struggling, falling out of the loop now. five years from now i'm gonna be at a steady job that i love not having to worry about how i will pay the rent this month and not having to worry when i see a pair of shoes or some cute hello kitty things about whether i have enough money to afford those things that i chose to define my life. and with knowing that i won't have to worry, i will no longer let things define me, but i will define myself with what i've accomplished. i'm happy with where i am because i finally feel like my life is at a good place. or at least headed in a good direction. :]